Couple jokes to share - Page 18

**timeless2** · 08-25-2006, 07:04 AM

**Flash!** · 08-25-2006, 07:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tx3nc

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"

"No," said his mom, "Of course not."

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

tx3nc · 08-25-2006, 08:17 AM

there's this Asian that calls in to work, "Boss i not come today to work. my leg hurt, my arm hurt, my head hurt. i not come to work today." Boss says,"that's a real shame because i really need you today. I'll tell you what, when i feel like that i ask my wife for sex and afterwards i feel great." Asian guy says,"ok boss i do that" Later on the Asian guys calls back to work, "Boss you were right, i feel great now, i come in to work later. you have nice house."

tx3nc · 08-25-2006, 08:18 AM

Two teenagers are boyfriend/girlfriend. The girl calls the boy and says "Hey come over my house tonight, meet my parents, have dinner with us, and then were going to have sex. The boy agrees, gets off the phone and goes to the pharmacy. He explains to the pharmacist about what is going to happen, he tells the pharmacist, that he's still a virgin, has never had sex, and doesnt know how to go about doing it. The pharmacist gives him a quick lecture on sex-ed and sells him some condoms. The boy later goes to his girlfriends house. They are all around the table getting ready to eat when the boy says he wants to say grace, the girl says okay. He then puts his head down, and is silent.....minutes go past when the girl finally says to him "I didnt know you were so religious" The boy looks over at the girl and says "I didnt know your dad was a pharmacist"

tx3nc · 08-25-2006, 08:19 AM

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she could say a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on."

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great!" the husband says, "Did he give you the $800 he owes me?"

::Moral of the story::
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

tx3nc · 08-25-2006, 08:20 AM

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her habit to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a good look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily reached over and slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. Changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

Once again the priest apologized, "Sorry, Sister, but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way.

Upon his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

::Moral of the story::
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

tx3nc · 08-25-2006, 08:20 AM

A sales representative, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.

In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas, and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office right after lunch."

::Moral of the story::
Always let your boss have the first say.

tx3nc · 08-25-2006, 08:21 AM

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered: "Sure, why not?"

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

::Moral of the story::
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

tx3nc · 08-25-2006, 08:22 AM

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was, proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

::Moral of the story::
Bullsh!t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

**Flash!** · 08-25-2006, 08:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tx3nc

Bullsh!t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Mach1Run · 08-25-2006, 08:31 AM

trying to catch up on the top posters list huh?

tx3nc · 08-25-2006, 08:34 AM

yup

**madmatt** · 08-25-2006, 10:31 AM

You huahs...nice jokes though

**madmatt** · 08-25-2006, 03:31 PM

Fred and Mary got married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they
go back to
Fred's Mom and Dad's for their first night together.
In the morning, Fred's little brother Johnny, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom
if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to
school." Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary
up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and
go back to
school." After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and
Mary up yet?"
His mom says, "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Ok, now tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I
think I gave him my airplane glue."

**DuckyBubbles05** · 08-25-2006, 03:36 PM

ouch

**madmatt** · 08-25-2006, 03:40 PM

Dont you know it.

fast · 08-25-2006, 08:54 PM

INTERSECTION!

**madmatt** · 08-25-2006, 09:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fast

INTERSECTION!

TROGLODYTE!

**DuckyBubbles05** · 08-26-2006, 10:55 AM

**madmatt** · 08-26-2006, 11:09 AM

Look it up, youll understand.

**DuckyBubbles05** · 08-26-2006, 11:52 AM

haha funniez

ReyRey · 08-26-2006, 11:56 AM

OH SHIT!!!!

**DuckyBubbles05** · 08-26-2006, 12:28 PM

WHAT?!?!?

**madmatt** · 08-26-2006, 12:38 PM

STOP YELLING AT ME!

ReyRey · 08-26-2006, 12:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DuckyBubbles05

WHAT?!?!?

thats the reaction i had when i read the joke, silly!

08-25-2006, 07:04 AM	#426
timeless2 Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: the Shadow Gallery Posts: 32,050	__________________ Ford Mustang \| MagnaFlow Exhaust \| Mustang Apparel \| Toy Reviews & Recalls

08-25-2006, 08:31 AM	#436
Mach1Run the court jester Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Wylie, Texas Posts: 5,535	trying to catch up on the top posters list huh? __________________ Jon 433 RWHP / 439 TQ (STD) CLICK for Kate's Story Click to Listen Eaton Swap, T56 Transmission, MGW Short Shifter, Chrome 17x9 and 17x10.5 FR500s, Eibach Sportlines, Steeda CC plates, SLP Linelock, Cobra Skirts, Wing Removed, Bassani O/R X and catback. Tune and swap done by Gearheads Performance in Arlington, TX. My 2007 GT

08-25-2006, 03:36 PM	#440
DuckyBubbles05 I'll pass on the knife fuck, thanks. Bejeweled Champion! Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Kansas City, Missouri Posts: 9,516	ouch __________________ ~Rebecca~

08-25-2006, 08:54 PM	#442
fast Inside most, but not all of us, there is a fast... Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 1,083	INTERSECTION! __________________ Kevin I'm not sending subliminal messages!

08-26-2006, 10:55 AM	#444
DuckyBubbles05 I'll pass on the knife fuck, thanks. Bejeweled Champion! Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Kansas City, Missouri Posts: 9,516	__________________ ~Rebecca~

08-25-2006, 08:17 AM	#428
tx3nc big or little, the size of the hole doesn't much matter Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 7,761	there's this Asian that calls in to work, "Boss i not come today to work. my leg hurt, my arm hurt, my head hurt. i not come to work today." Boss says,"that's a real shame because i really need you today. I'll tell you what, when i feel like that i ask my wife for sex and afterwards i feel great." Asian guy says,"ok boss i do that" Later on the Asian guys calls back to work, "Boss you were right, i feel great now, i come in to work later. you have nice house."

08-25-2006, 08:18 AM	#429
tx3nc big or little, the size of the hole doesn't much matter Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 7,761	Two teenagers are boyfriend/girlfriend. The girl calls the boy and says "Hey come over my house tonight, meet my parents, have dinner with us, and then were going to have sex. The boy agrees, gets off the phone and goes to the pharmacy. He explains to the pharmacist about what is going to happen, he tells the pharmacist, that he's still a virgin, has never had sex, and doesnt know how to go about doing it. The pharmacist gives him a quick lecture on sex-ed and sells him some condoms. The boy later goes to his girlfriends house. They are all around the table getting ready to eat when the boy says he wants to say grace, the girl says okay. He then puts his head down, and is silent.....minutes go past when the girl finally says to him "I didnt know you were so religious" The boy looks over at the girl and says "I didnt know your dad was a pharmacist"

08-25-2006, 08:19 AM	#430
tx3nc big or little, the size of the hole doesn't much matter Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 7,761	A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she could say a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he give you the $800 he owes me?" ::Moral of the story:: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

08-25-2006, 08:20 AM	#431
tx3nc big or little, the size of the hole doesn't much matter Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 7,761	A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her habit to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a good look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily reached over and slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. Changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized, "Sorry, Sister, but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. Upon his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory." ::Moral of the story:: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

08-25-2006, 08:20 AM	#432
tx3nc big or little, the size of the hole doesn't much matter Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 7,761	A sales representative, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas, and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office right after lunch." ::Moral of the story:: Always let your boss have the first say.

08-25-2006, 08:21 AM	#433
tx3nc big or little, the size of the hole doesn't much matter Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 7,761	A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not?" So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. ::Moral of the story:: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

08-25-2006, 08:22 AM	#434
tx3nc big or little, the size of the hole doesn't much matter Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 7,761	A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was, proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree. ::Moral of the story:: Bullsh!t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

08-25-2006, 08:34 AM	#437
tx3nc big or little, the size of the hole doesn't much matter Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 7,761	yup

08-26-2006, 11:52 AM	#446
DuckyBubbles05 I'll pass on the knife fuck, thanks. Bejeweled Champion! Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Kansas City, Missouri Posts: 9,516	haha funniez __________________ ~Rebecca~

08-26-2006, 11:56 AM	#447
ReyRey The Giver of Blue Balls Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Kansas City, MO Posts: 13,517	OH SHIT!!!! __________________


darkmesa Advertisement

08-26-2006, 12:28 PM	#448
DuckyBubbles05 I'll pass on the knife fuck, thanks. Bejeweled Champion! Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Kansas City, Missouri Posts: 9,516	WHAT?!?!? __________________ ~Rebecca~

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