DuckyBubbles05

hahahaha heard some of those but always good

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~Rebecca~

Stinky

Got this from my sister...

Finally, At Last......We can shop for a good one at:
The Husband Store:
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the
store operates:

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the
shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are
extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but she feels compelled to keep shopping to the next floor.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are
drop-dead good looking and they help with the housework.

"Oh, Grace and Mercy!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are
drop-dead gorgeous, they help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the
sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Please send this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who can handle the truth!

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DuckyBubbles05

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~Rebecca~

madmatt

LOL heard the man store one before, a funny-un.

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tx3nc

The Wife Store

A new Wife Store opened across the street from the Husband Store.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The third through sixth floors have never been visited.

Stinky

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timeless2

Heard it. Love it.

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Ford Mustang | MagnaFlow Exhaust | Mustang Apparel | Toy Reviews & Recalls

Danre

good spin

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ReyRey

A guy phones up his boss' house, but gets the boss' wife instead. He asks to speak to her husband.

"I'm afraid he died earlier today," she says.

The next day, the man calls again and asks for the boss.

"I told you," the wife replies, "he died yesterday."

The next day, he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time, the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I've already told you twice that he died. Why do you keep calling?"

"Because," he replies, laughing, "I just love hearing it!"

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Danre

good job posting in the right thread

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ReyRey

no, i just felt like it this time...

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ReyRey

A guy walks into a bar and sees another guy sitting with a ferret. The guy seems to be stroking it rather lovingly. The first guy asks him, “Why are you stroking that ferret?”

He replies, “Well my friend, the ferret gives the best head in the world.”

“Bullshit, there’s no way a ferret can do that.”

“Go try yourself.”

So the first guy takes the ferret and goes into the bathroom. A few minutes pass and suddenly there’s banging and moaning and screaming coming from the bathroom. The first guy comes out, stroking the ferret lovingly and looks at the second guy. “I will give you $500, no $1000, for this ferret.”

The second guy thinks about it for a little while and then nods. “Alright, a thousand dollars it is.”

The first guy pays the second guy and takes the ferret home. He places it on the table in front of his wife and tells her the story. She looks at him in amazement, “What am I supposed to do with a $1000 ferret?”

“Teach it to cook and get the fuck out!”

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Danre

hahahaha

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ReyRey

A little boy comes home from school and tells his father that his homework assignment is to find out the difference between “potentially” and “realistically.”

“Easy,” says his father. “First, ask Mom if she’d sleep with the mailman for a million dollars.”

The boy runs off, then comes back and says, “She said yes.”

“Now go ask your sister the same question,” advises the father.

Again the boy runs off, and again he comes back and says, “She said yes.”

“So, potentially, we’re sitting on two million dollars,” replies the father. “But, realistically, we’re living with a pair of whores.”

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ReyRey

A newlywed sailor is informed by the navy that he’s going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the South Pacific for 2 years. A few weeks after he gets there he really starts to miss his new wife, so he writes her a letter.

"My darling," he writes, "it looks like we’re going to be apart for a very long time. Already I’m starting to miss you and we’re constantly surrounded by young, attractive native girls. The temptation’s terrible. I need some kind of hobby to keep my mind off them."

His wife sends him back a harmonica with a note reading, "Why don’t you learn to play this?"

Eventually his tour of duty comes to an end and he rushes back to his wife. "Darling" he says, "I can’t wait to get you into bed so that we can make passionate love!"

But she stops him with a wave of her hand. "First, let’s see how well you play that harmonica."

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ReyRey

A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital. During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.

"Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?"

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."

“Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay," said the woman.

As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him.

Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?"

Again the doctor spoke very calmly: "Same illness, better health plan."

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ReyRey

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.

The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too."

Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing.
Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be.

The guy calms down and says: " Make 'em all ugly again."

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ReyRey

A drunk had been at a pub all night. At last call, the drunk stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time, to the same result.

He figured he'd crawl outside to get some fresh air, since maybe that would sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the four blocks to his house.

When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face.

He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.

This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep the second his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning by his wife shouting, "So you've been out drinking again, have you?!"

"No! What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on his best innocent expression.

"The pub called... you forgot your wheelchair again."

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ReyRey

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids... "WOW," the social worker exclaims, "Are they ALL YOURS???" "Yep they are all mine," the flustered mumma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down Leroy. All the children rush to find seats.

"Well," says the social worker, then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names."

"This one's my oldest - he is Leroy." "OK, and who's this one?" Well, this one he is Leroy, also." The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy!

"All right..." says the caseworker, "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Leroy?" Their Momma replied, "Well, yes - it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I just yell 'Leroy!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they all come a runnin.' An 'if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy."

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?" "Ah, that's so easy," said the momma. "Then I calls them by their last names."

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stang_lover69

uh...sweetie...

http://www.darkmesa.com/showpost.php...&postcount=564

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The Dond


(\__/) This is bunny. Copy and paste bunny
(='.'=) into your signature to help him gain
(")_(") world domination.

Danre

poor michelle

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ReyRey

i just can't win

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raged

you should just kill yourself. go outside so no one has to clean up the mess.

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Peace, Love, and Television.

madmatt

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Danre

you're just playing the wrong game

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