Couple jokes to share - Page 7

Maxxus · 02-26-2006, 10:44 PM

I thought the guy's name was Harry Whittington, not Bubba.

Mach1Run · 03-03-2006, 09:20 PM

A husband and wife decided they needed to use
"code" to indicate that they
wanted to have sex without letting their children in
on it. They decided on
the word Typewriter.

One day the husband told his five year old
daughter, "Go tell your mom that
daddy needs to type a letter".

The child told her mother what her dad said, and
her mom responded,"Tell
your daddy that he can't type a letter right now
cause there is a red
ribbon in the typewriter."

The child went back to tell her father what mommy
said.

A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell
daddy that he can type
that letter now."

The child told her father, returned to her mother
and announced, "Daddy
said never mind with the typewriter, he already
wrote the letter by hand."

BlackArtemis · 03-03-2006, 10:13 PM

hahaha

Mach1Run · 03-08-2006, 06:19 AM

a joke from UM on the Communist forums.

The "Duct Tape" Incident...
Contrary to popular opinion, duct tape IS NOT good for fixing everything!

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.
"Well," replies Paul, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"
"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh. "Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally worked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."
"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"
"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped "it" to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show so much".
"Sensible" says Jeff. "So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, sexiest, dress you ever saw."
"And what happened then?"

"I kicked her in the face."

BlackArtemis · 03-08-2006, 06:26 AM

Why doesn't Smokey the bear have any kids?
Because everytime Mrs. Bear gets hot, he beats her with a shovel.

BlackArtemis · 03-08-2006, 06:28 AM

what do you say to a girl with no arms or legs?

nice tits!

BlackArtemis · 03-08-2006, 06:28 AM

Q: What did one tampon say to the other tampon?
A: Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches.

BlackArtemis · 03-08-2006, 06:29 AM

Why did God give women yeast infections?

So that they would know what it was like to live with an irritable cunt too.

BlackArtemis · 03-08-2006, 06:29 AM

After a good date, my Chinese girl and I went home and watched a movie. When the movie ended, I asked "Hey do you want to 69 now?" She replied "69? One order of beef and broccoli now?"

FallenPhoenix · 03-08-2006, 06:47 AM

funnies, good

day starting out shitty

BlackArtemis · 03-08-2006, 06:57 AM

Two men are walking down the street...
I forget the punch-line, but your mother's a whore.

cleric · 03-08-2006, 09:43 AM

nice.....

tx3nc · 03-08-2006, 11:45 AM

Why do husbands die before their wives?

Because they want to.

Mach1Run · 03-09-2006, 04:51 AM

Two men were driving through Texas when they got pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks up and taps his nightstick on the window. The driver rolls down the window and "WHACK," the cop smacks him in the head with his nightstick.
"What the hell was that for?" the driver asked.

"You're in Texas, son," the trooper answered. "When we pull you over in Texas, you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car."

"I'm sorry, officer," the driver said, "I'm not from around here."

The trooper runs a check on the guy's license--he's clean and gives the guy his license back. The trooper then walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and "WHACK," the trooper smacks him on the head with the nightstick.

"What did you do that for?" the passenger demands.

"Just making your wish come true," replied the trooper.

"Making WHAT wish come true?" the passenger asked.

"Because I know your type," the trooper says, "two miles down the road you're gonna turn to your buddy and say, 'I wish that asshole would've tried that **** with me!' "

Mach1Run · 03-13-2006, 04:20 PM

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're getting married?"

"Yep!"

"Do I know her?"

"Nope!"

"This woman, is she good looking?"

"Not really."

"Is she a good cook?"

"Naw, she can't cook too well."

"Does she have lots of money?"

"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."

"Well, then, is she good in bed?"

"I don't know."

"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"

"Because she can still drive!"

------------------------

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'"

-------------------

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After
catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "Arthritis

Mach1Run · 03-21-2006, 06:07 AM

How Do You Get To Heaven?

"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class.

"NO!" the children all answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?"

Again the answer was, "NO!""Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and loved my wife, would that get me into heaven?" I asked them again.

Once more they all answered, "NO!"

"Well," I continued, thinking they were a good bit more theologically sophisticated than I had given them credit for, "then how can I get into heaven?"

A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"

-------------------

Two hunters went deer hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female deer costume and learned the mating call of a female deer. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the buck, then come out of the costume and shoot the buck. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the deer love call. Before long, their call was answered as a huge buck came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the buck was close enough, the guy in front said, "Okay, let's get out and get him." After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?"

The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself."

------------------------

Lawers should never ask...
Lawyers should never ask a Southern Grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

During a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly, grandmotherly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one being your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."

**timeless2** · 03-21-2006, 06:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Greensix

Two hunters went deer hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female deer costume and learned the mating call of a female deer. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the buck, then come out of the costume and shoot the buck. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the deer love call. Before long, their call was answered as a huge buck came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the buck was close enough, the guy in front said, "Okay, let's get out and get him." After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?"

The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself."

natronathon · 03-22-2006, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlackArtemis

Two men are walking down the street...
I forget the punch-line, but your mother's a whore.

nice

Mach1Run · 03-25-2006, 05:12 AM

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.
A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.

The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter.

When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral;

I'm a gynecologist."

And that's when the proctologist fainted.

Mach1Run · 03-25-2006, 05:46 PM

A Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and anAmerican Engineer are working together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

"I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes total," says the Genie.

The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son
wil lalso farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada.

"Pooooof!"

Withthe blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our
precious state.

" Pooooof!"

Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.

The American engineer says, "I am verycurious. Please tell me more about
this wall. "

The Genie explains,"Well, it's 5000 feet high, 500 Feet thick and completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can get in or out it's virtually impenetrable."

The American engineer says, "Fill it with water."

Hamburglar · 03-25-2006, 05:49 PM

cleric · 03-27-2006, 12:20 AM

so a priest and a rabii are sitting there and a little boy walks by

the priest says man i wanna f*ck him

and the rabii says out of what?

tx3nc · 03-29-2006, 05:41 AM

Men Fight Back.

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows

them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."

-----------------------------------------------------------------

How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Why do men fart more than women?

Because women can't shut up long enough to

build up the required pressure.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?

A woman who won't do what she's told.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

I married a Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was Always.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes

a woman's sex drive by 90%.

It's called a Wedding Cake.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Women will never be equal to men until they can

walk down the street with a bald head and a beer

gut, and still think they are sexy.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.

Then God created Man and rested.

Then God created Woman.

Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

**timeless2** · 03-29-2006, 05:57 AM

Mach1Run · 03-30-2006, 08:34 AM

While watching a football game a couple weeks back, my wife and I were
discussing life and death. I told her, "Just so you know, I never want to
live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a
bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
She promptly got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all my beer.
Some days I hate being married to a smartass.

02-26-2006, 10:44 PM	#151
Maxxus I love to be POUNDED!!!!! Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Kansas City, MO Posts: 823	I thought the guy's name was Harry Whittington, not Bubba. __________________

03-03-2006, 09:20 PM	#152
Mach1Run the court jester Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Wylie, Texas Posts: 5,393	A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter. One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mom that daddy needs to type a letter". The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded,"Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father what mommy said. A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now." The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand." __________________ Jon 433 RWHP / 439 TQ (STD) CLICK for Kate's Story Click to Listen Eaton Swap, T56 Transmission, MGW Short Shifter, Chrome 17x9 and 17x10.5 FR500s, Eibach Sportlines, Steeda CC plates, SLP Linelock, Cobra Skirts, Wing Removed, Bassani O/R X and catback. Tune and swap done by Gearheads Performance in Arlington, TX. My 2007 GT

03-03-2006, 10:13 PM	#153
BlackArtemis I'm so fucking drink right now... Join Date: Mar 1982 Location: West Chester, PA Posts: 11,298	hahaha __________________

03-08-2006, 06:19 AM	#154
Mach1Run the court jester Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Wylie, Texas Posts: 5,393	a joke from UM on the Communist forums. The "Duct Tape" Incident... Contrary to popular opinion, duct tape IS NOT good for fixing everything! Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" "Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh. "Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally worked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." "That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?" "I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped "it" to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show so much". "Sensible" says Jeff. "So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, sexiest, dress you ever saw." "And what happened then?" "I kicked her in the face." __________________ Jon 433 RWHP / 439 TQ (STD) CLICK for Kate's Story Click to Listen Eaton Swap, T56 Transmission, MGW Short Shifter, Chrome 17x9 and 17x10.5 FR500s, Eibach Sportlines, Steeda CC plates, SLP Linelock, Cobra Skirts, Wing Removed, Bassani O/R X and catback. Tune and swap done by Gearheads Performance in Arlington, TX. My 2007 GT

03-08-2006, 06:26 AM	#155
BlackArtemis I'm so fucking drink right now... Join Date: Mar 1982 Location: West Chester, PA Posts: 11,298	Why doesn't Smokey the bear have any kids? Because everytime Mrs. Bear gets hot, he beats her with a shovel. __________________

03-08-2006, 06:28 AM	#156
BlackArtemis I'm so fucking drink right now... Join Date: Mar 1982 Location: West Chester, PA Posts: 11,298	what do you say to a girl with no arms or legs? nice tits! __________________

03-08-2006, 06:28 AM	#157
BlackArtemis I'm so fucking drink right now... Join Date: Mar 1982 Location: West Chester, PA Posts: 11,298	Q: What did one tampon say to the other tampon? A: Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches. __________________

03-08-2006, 06:29 AM	#158
BlackArtemis I'm so fucking drink right now... Join Date: Mar 1982 Location: West Chester, PA Posts: 11,298	Why did God give women yeast infections? So that they would know what it was like to live with an irritable cunt too. __________________

03-08-2006, 06:29 AM	#159
BlackArtemis I'm so fucking drink right now... Join Date: Mar 1982 Location: West Chester, PA Posts: 11,298	After a good date, my Chinese girl and I went home and watched a movie. When the movie ended, I asked "Hey do you want to 69 now?" She replied "69? One order of beef and broccoli now?" __________________

03-08-2006, 06:47 AM	#160
FallenPhoenix Blah blah blah final five blah blah Breakout Champion! Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: College Station Tx Posts: 8,628	funnies, good day starting out shitty __________________ The views and opinions expressed above do not necessarily reflect those of DarkMesa, it's owners, or polar bears in general. rawr copyright 2006, phoenix Sinanym.com - My Blog Wiki40k.com - Warhammer 40k Wiki project

03-08-2006, 06:57 AM	#161
BlackArtemis I'm so fucking drink right now... Join Date: Mar 1982 Location: West Chester, PA Posts: 11,298	Two men are walking down the street... I forget the punch-line, but your mother's a whore. __________________

03-08-2006, 09:43 AM	#162
cleric el presidente! Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 5,256	nice..... __________________

03-08-2006, 11:45 AM	#163
tx3nc big or little, the size of the hole doesn't much matter Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 7,718	Why do husbands die before their wives? Because they want to.

03-09-2006, 04:51 AM	#164
Mach1Run the court jester Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Wylie, Texas Posts: 5,393	Two men were driving through Texas when they got pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks up and taps his nightstick on the window. The driver rolls down the window and "WHACK," the cop smacks him in the head with his nightstick. "What the hell was that for?" the driver asked. "You're in Texas, son," the trooper answered. "When we pull you over in Texas, you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car." "I'm sorry, officer," the driver said, "I'm not from around here." The trooper runs a check on the guy's license--he's clean and gives the guy his license back. The trooper then walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and "WHACK," the trooper smacks him on the head with the nightstick. "What did you do that for?" the passenger demands. "Just making your wish come true," replied the trooper. "Making WHAT wish come true?" the passenger asked. "Because I know your type," the trooper says, "two miles down the road you're gonna turn to your buddy and say, 'I wish that asshole would've tried that ** with me!' " __________________ Jon 433 RWHP / 439 TQ (STD) CLICK for Kate's Story Click to Listen Eaton Swap, T56 Transmission, MGW Short Shifter, Chrome 17x9 and 17x10.5 FR500s, Eibach Sportlines, Steeda CC plates, SLP Linelock, Cobra Skirts, Wing Removed, Bassani O/R X and catback. Tune and swap done by Gearheads Performance in Arlington, TX. My 2007 GT**

03-13-2006, 04:20 PM	#165
Mach1Run the court jester Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Wylie, Texas Posts: 5,393	A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're getting married?" "Yep!" "Do I know her?" "Nope!" "This woman, is she good looking?" "Not really." "Is she a good cook?" "Naw, she can't cook too well." "Does she have lots of money?" "Nope! Poor as a church mouse." "Well, then, is she good in bed?" "I don't know." "Why in the world do you want to marry her then?" "Because she can still drive!" ------------------------ Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'" The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'" ------------------- A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" "No," he replied, "Arthritis __________________ Jon 433 RWHP / 439 TQ (STD) CLICK for Kate's Story Click to Listen Eaton Swap, T56 Transmission, MGW Short Shifter, Chrome 17x9 and 17x10.5 FR500s, Eibach Sportlines, Steeda CC plates, SLP Linelock, Cobra Skirts, Wing Removed, Bassani O/R X and catback. Tune and swap done by Gearheads Performance in Arlington, TX. My 2007 GT


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03-25-2006, 05:49 PM	#171
Hamburglar I masturbate to teletubbies Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: In a dumpster behind an Iowa McDonalds Posts: 13,040	__________________

03-29-2006, 05:57 AM	#174
timeless2 Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: the Shadow Gallery Posts: 32,003

03-21-2006, 06:07 AM	#166
Mach1Run the court jester Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Wylie, Texas Posts: 5,393	How Do You Get To Heaven? "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class. "NO!" the children all answered. "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?" Again the answer was, "NO!""Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and loved my wife, would that get me into heaven?" I asked them again. Once more they all answered, "NO!" "Well," I continued, thinking they were a good bit more theologically sophisticated than I had given them credit for, "then how can I get into heaven?" A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!" ------------------- Two hunters went deer hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female deer costume and learned the mating call of a female deer. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the buck, then come out of the costume and shoot the buck. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the deer love call. Before long, their call was answered as a huge buck came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the buck was close enough, the guy in front said, "Okay, let's get out and get him." After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?" The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself." ------------------------ Lawers should never ask... Lawyers should never ask a Southern Grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. During a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly, grandmotherly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one being your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt." __________________ Jon 433 RWHP / 439 TQ (STD) CLICK for Kate's Story Click to Listen Eaton Swap, T56 Transmission, MGW Short Shifter, Chrome 17x9 and 17x10.5 FR500s, Eibach Sportlines, Steeda CC plates, SLP Linelock, Cobra Skirts, Wing Removed, Bassani O/R X and catback. Tune and swap done by Gearheads Performance in Arlington, TX. My 2007 GT

03-25-2006, 05:12 AM	#169
Mach1Run the court jester Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Wylie, Texas Posts: 5,393	A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral; I'm a gynecologist." And that's when the proctologist fainted. __________________ Jon 433 RWHP / 439 TQ (STD) CLICK for Kate's Story Click to Listen Eaton Swap, T56 Transmission, MGW Short Shifter, Chrome 17x9 and 17x10.5 FR500s, Eibach Sportlines, Steeda CC plates, SLP Linelock, Cobra Skirts, Wing Removed, Bassani O/R X and catback. Tune and swap done by Gearheads Performance in Arlington, TX. My 2007 GT

03-25-2006, 05:46 PM	#170
Mach1Run the court jester Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Wylie, Texas Posts: 5,393	A Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and anAmerican Engineer are working together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes total," says the Genie. The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son wil lalso farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada. "Pooooof!" Withthe blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming. Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state. " Pooooof!" Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries. The American engineer says, "I am verycurious. Please tell me more about this wall. " The Genie explains,"Well, it's 5000 feet high, 500 Feet thick and completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can get in or out it's virtually impenetrable." The American engineer says, "Fill it with water." __________________ Jon 433 RWHP / 439 TQ (STD) CLICK for Kate's Story Click to Listen Eaton Swap, T56 Transmission, MGW Short Shifter, Chrome 17x9 and 17x10.5 FR500s, Eibach Sportlines, Steeda CC plates, SLP Linelock, Cobra Skirts, Wing Removed, Bassani O/R X and catback. Tune and swap done by Gearheads Performance in Arlington, TX. My 2007 GT

03-27-2006, 12:20 AM	#172
cleric el presidente! Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 5,256	so a priest and a rabii are sitting there and a little boy walks by the priest says man i wanna f*ck him and the rabii says out of what? __________________

03-29-2006, 05:41 AM	#173
tx3nc big or little, the size of the hole doesn't much matter Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 7,718	Men Fight Back. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. ------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..." ----------------------------------------------------------------- How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Why do men fart more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. ----------------------------------------------------------------- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. ----------------------------------------------------------------- What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told. ----------------------------------------------------------------- I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Why do men die before their wives? They want to. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. ----------------------------------------------------------------- In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

03-30-2006, 08:34 AM	#175
Mach1Run the court jester Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Wylie, Texas Posts: 5,393	While watching a football game a couple weeks back, my wife and I were discussing life and death. I told her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." She promptly got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all my beer. Some days I hate being married to a smartass. __________________ Jon 433 RWHP / 439 TQ (STD) CLICK for Kate's Story Click to Listen Eaton Swap, T56 Transmission, MGW Short Shifter, Chrome 17x9 and 17x10.5 FR500s, Eibach Sportlines, Steeda CC plates, SLP Linelock, Cobra Skirts, Wing Removed, Bassani O/R X and catback. Tune and swap done by Gearheads Performance in Arlington, TX. My 2007 GT

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