Couple jokes to share - Page 8

**timeless2** · 03-30-2006, 09:22 AM

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral..........I'm a gynecologist."

The proctologist fainted.

Stinky · 03-30-2006, 09:28 AM

LOL that's a good one.

mudbilly · 03-30-2006, 10:17 AM

+1.........lol

FallenPhoenix · 03-30-2006, 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 4u2nv

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral..........I'm a gynecologist."

The proctologist fainted.

http://insaneindustry.com/showpost.p...&postcount=169

treed

**timeless2** · 03-30-2006, 11:12 AM

Oh well.

Life goes on.

mudbilly · 03-30-2006, 01:38 PM

After the southern tourist had been served in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge, He beckoned the waitress back and said quietly, "Miss, y'all sure are a luvly, luvly lady; Can ah persuade y'all to give me a piece of ass?"

"Lord, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!" gasped the girl. Then she looked around the room, smiled and added, "Sure, why not? You're nice looking' too and it's pretty slow here right now, so why don't we just slip away up to your room?"

When the pair returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the same
table and the waitress asked, "Will there be anything else, sir?"

"Why yes," replied the southern gentleman. "Ah sure 'preciate what y'all
Just did for me; it was real sweet and right neighborly, but where ah come
from in Alabama, we lack our bourbon real cold, so ah still need to
trouble y'al for a piece uh ass for mah drink."

Eddy · 04-03-2006, 12:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mudbilly

so ah still need to trouble y'al for a piece uh ass for mah drink."

**timeless2** · 04-11-2006, 06:14 AM

How do you know when it is bedtime at Michael Jackson's house?

When the big hand is on the little hand.

**timeless2** · 04-11-2006, 12:33 PM

A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local race track (Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry Bourbon. When it was time to take the children to the bathroom it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their "wee-wees" to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said,"You must be in the 5th grade."

"No, ma'am", he replied. "I'm the jockey riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help.”

Stinky · 04-11-2006, 12:35 PM

Faaip de Oiad · 04-11-2006, 12:38 PM

That's funny.

mudbilly · 04-11-2006, 12:38 PM

going to send to my email joke buddies

tx3nc · 04-26-2006, 09:09 AM

A young guy from Missouri moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says " Yeah. I was a salesman back in Missouri." Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down "How many sales did you make today?" The kid says "one". The boss says "Just one?! Our sales people average 20 to 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"

The kid says "$101,237.65". The boss says "$101,237.65?" What the heck did you sell? The kid says, "First, I sold him a small! fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"

The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife and I said, Dude, your
weekend's shot, you should go fishing.

**timeless2** · 04-26-2006, 09:16 AM

Classic one.....

natronathon · 04-26-2006, 09:37 AM

damn those are good!

**DuckyBubbles05** · 04-26-2006, 12:00 PM

haha funniez!

ReyRey · 04-26-2006, 12:24 PM

love it!

Cali Korleone · 04-28-2006, 11:16 AM

HI-TECH MEXICAN -

Three men; a German, a Japanese and a Mexican were sitting naked in a
sauna.
Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The German pressed his forearm and
the beeping stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was
my pager," he said, "I have a
micro chip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to
his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I
have a micro chip in my hand."
The Mexican, feeling really low tech but not to be outdone, decided he
had to do something just as impressive. So he stepped out of the sauna
and went to the bathroom.
He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt.
The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him.
The Mexican finally turns and says. . .
"Ay Cabron, will you look at that? I'm getting a fax."

**timeless2** · 04-28-2006, 11:19 AM

Faaip de Oiad · 04-28-2006, 12:30 PM

Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...

The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimer's disease or AIDS."

"What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"

"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."

**timeless2** · 04-28-2006, 12:36 PM

Yeah, annuder goot one ^

Hamburglar · 04-28-2006, 03:14 PM

thats awesome

**timeless2** · 04-28-2006, 09:53 PM

A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates pass St. Peter. St. Peter asks the first girl, "Gloria, have you ever had contact with a penis?" She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched with the tip of my finger..." St. Peter says, "Ok, dip the tip of your finger in the holy water and pass through the gates." St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Catherine, have you ever had contact with a penis?" The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says "OK, dip your whole hand in the holy water and pass through the gate." All of the sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls; one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says, "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?" The girl replies, "Well, If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Stephanie sticks her ass in it!"

popefonic · 04-28-2006, 10:19 PM

hahaha, i've heard that one a few times before but it is still one funny ass joke!

MysteryMachine · 04-29-2006, 09:36 PM

good shit just spent like hours reading all these

03-30-2006, 09:28 AM	#177
Stinky Mr. Fusion Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: The future...or is it the past? Posts: 16,546	LOL that's a good one. __________________

04-11-2006, 06:14 AM	#183
timeless2 Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: the Shadow Gallery Posts: 32,050	How do you know when it is bedtime at Michael Jackson's house? When the big hand is on the little hand. __________________ Ford Mustang \| MagnaFlow Exhaust \| Mustang Apparel \| Toy Reviews & Recalls Last edited by timeless2; 04-11-2006 at 12:33 PM.

04-11-2006, 12:33 PM	#184
timeless2 Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: the Shadow Gallery Posts: 32,050	A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local race track (Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry Bourbon. When it was time to take the children to the bathroom it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their "wee-wees" to direct the flow away from their clothes. As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said,"You must be in the 5th grade." "No, ma'am", he replied. "I'm the jockey riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help.” __________________ Ford Mustang \| MagnaFlow Exhaust \| Mustang Apparel \| Toy Reviews & Recalls

04-11-2006, 12:35 PM	#185
Stinky Mr. Fusion Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: The future...or is it the past? Posts: 16,546	__________________

04-11-2006, 12:38 PM	#186
Faaip de Oiad Van Damme stole my appendix. Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Md Posts: 14,026	That's funny. __________________ The Life of Reilly

03-30-2006, 09:22 AM	#176
timeless2 Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: the Shadow Gallery Posts: 32,050	A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral..........I'm a gynecologist." The proctologist fainted.

03-30-2006, 10:17 AM	#178
mudbilly Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: south county, marys land Posts: 322	+1.........lol

03-30-2006, 11:12 AM	#180
timeless2 Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: the Shadow Gallery Posts: 32,050	Oh well. Life goes on.

03-30-2006, 01:38 PM	#181
mudbilly Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: south county, marys land Posts: 322	After the southern tourist had been served in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge, He beckoned the waitress back and said quietly, "Miss, y'all sure are a luvly, luvly lady; Can ah persuade y'all to give me a piece of ass?" "Lord, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!" gasped the girl. Then she looked around the room, smiled and added, "Sure, why not? You're nice looking' too and it's pretty slow here right now, so why don't we just slip away up to your room?" When the pair returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the same table and the waitress asked, "Will there be anything else, sir?" "Why yes," replied the southern gentleman. "Ah sure 'preciate what y'all Just did for me; it was real sweet and right neighborly, but where ah come from in Alabama, we lack our bourbon real cold, so ah still need to trouble y'al for a piece uh ass for mah drink."

04-11-2006, 12:38 PM	#187
mudbilly Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: south county, marys land Posts: 322	going to send to my email joke buddies

04-26-2006, 09:09 AM	#188
tx3nc big or little, the size of the hole doesn't much matter Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 7,761	A young guy from Missouri moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says " Yeah. I was a salesman back in Missouri." Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down "How many sales did you make today?" The kid says "one". The boss says "Just one?! Our sales people average 20 to 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?" The kid says "$101,237.65". The boss says "$101,237.65?" What the heck did you sell? The kid says, "First, I sold him a small! fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition." The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?" The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife and I said, Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.

04-26-2006, 09:16 AM	#189
timeless2 Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: the Shadow Gallery Posts: 32,050	Classic one..... __________________ Ford Mustang \| MagnaFlow Exhaust \| Mustang Apparel \| Toy Reviews & Recalls

04-26-2006, 09:37 AM	#190
natronathon Legendary Veteran Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Wichita, KS Posts: 1,888	damn those are good! __________________ Nathan LS1 Camaro Owner (No Mullett)

04-26-2006, 12:00 PM	#191
DuckyBubbles05 I'll pass on the knife fuck, thanks. Bejeweled Champion! Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Kansas City, Missouri Posts: 9,516	haha funniez! __________________ ~Rebecca~

04-26-2006, 12:24 PM	#192
ReyRey The Giver of Blue Balls Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Kansas City, MO Posts: 13,517	love it! __________________


darkmesa Advertisement

04-28-2006, 03:14 PM	#197
Hamburglar I masturbate to teletubbies Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: In a dumpster behind an Iowa McDonalds Posts: 13,075	thats awesome __________________

04-29-2006, 09:36 PM	#200
MysteryMachine Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Parkesburg, PA Posts: 4,718	good shit just spent like hours reading all these __________________ Jinx 94 Mustang GT http://www.mysterymachinegt.com (351W powered at some point ) 2001 Dodge Ram 2500 http://www.cardomain.com/ride/2948080 1995 Explorer "When your life's in our hands, We put ours on the line" Firefighting 24/7

04-28-2006, 11:16 AM	#193
Cali Korleone Megaman says that I'm Too Gangsta 4 A CT. Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Rosewood Ave, CA Posts: 13,517	HI-TECH MEXICAN - Three men; a German, a Japanese and a Mexican were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The German pressed his forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager," he said, "I have a micro chip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a micro chip in my hand." The Mexican, feeling really low tech but not to be outdone, decided he had to do something just as impressive. So he stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The Mexican finally turns and says. . . "Ay Cabron, will you look at that? I'm getting a fax." __________________

04-28-2006, 11:19 AM	#194
timeless2 Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: the Shadow Gallery Posts: 32,050	__________________ Ford Mustang \| MagnaFlow Exhaust \| Mustang Apparel \| Toy Reviews & Recalls

04-28-2006, 12:30 PM	#195
Faaip de Oiad Van Damme stole my appendix. Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Md Posts: 14,026	Guy takes his wife to the Doctor... The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimer's disease or AIDS." "What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?" "Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her." __________________ The Life of Reilly

04-28-2006, 12:36 PM	#196
timeless2 Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: the Shadow Gallery Posts: 32,050	Yeah, annuder goot one ^ __________________ Ford Mustang \| MagnaFlow Exhaust \| Mustang Apparel \| Toy Reviews & Recalls

04-28-2006, 09:53 PM	#198
timeless2 Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: the Shadow Gallery Posts: 32,050	A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates pass St. Peter. St. Peter asks the first girl, "Gloria, have you ever had contact with a penis?" She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched with the tip of my finger..." St. Peter says, "Ok, dip the tip of your finger in the holy water and pass through the gates." St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Catherine, have you ever had contact with a penis?" The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says "OK, dip your whole hand in the holy water and pass through the gate." All of the sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls; one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says, "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?" The girl replies, "Well, If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Stephanie sticks her ass in it!" __________________ Ford Mustang \| MagnaFlow Exhaust \| Mustang Apparel \| Toy Reviews & Recalls

04-28-2006, 10:19 PM	#199
popefonic Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Bay Area Posts: 329	hahaha, i've heard that one a few times before but it is still one funny ass joke!

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